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Post by didymus on May 10, 2010 4:17:27 GMT -5
As the title suggests, I have a question about divorce. In various "Christian" dating sites that I am a part of, I have noticed many of the people are divorced. I've been told that divorce in the church is higher in the National average. So, I am wondering why. Why do so many "Christian" marriages wind up in divorce? I am not asking for reasons, as I have heard them. Irreconcilable differences. Usually that means the woman wants her way and the man wants his way, but they are two different ways. What I want to know is why divorce rather then commitment? It seems today, people are so quick to want to divorce than they are to commit, than what was the case 50 years ago. Why is this? What has changed? It seems to me, people are more selfish today than what use to be. Am I wrong? And, within Christianity, that shouldn't be. But it seems, Christians are acting like the rest of the world in every aspect of life, including marriage. Christians have to have the world music, fashion, etc. Might as well have the worlds standards and values as well. It certainly seems, when it comes to marriage and divorce, Christians have succumbed to worldly pressures and temptations. I was shocked to hear when Mrs. Stanley filed for divorce from Charles Stanley. I never did hear why. Can someone help me understand this?  Unintentional edit - sorry Didy - I did the same thing the other day on Robins post. - I'm getting old  |
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Post by Allyn on May 10, 2010 7:02:48 GMT -5
As the title suggests, I have a question about divorce. In various "Christian" dating sites that I am a part of, I have noticed many of the people are divorced. I've been told that divorce in the church is higher in the National average. So, I am wondering why. Why do so many "Christian" marriages wind up in divorce? I am not asking for reasons, as I have heard them. Irreconcilable differences. Usually that means the woman wants her way and the man wants his way, but they are two different ways. What I want to know is why divorce rather then commitment? It seems today, people are so quick to want to divorce than they are to commit, than what was the case 50 years ago. Why is this? What has changed? It seems to me, people are more selfish today than what use to be. Am I wrong? And, within Christianity, that shouldn't be. But it seems, Christians are acting like the rest of the world in every aspect of life, including marriage. Christians have to have the world music, fashion, etc. Might as well have the worlds standards and values as well. It certainly seems, when it comes to marriage and divorce, Christians have succumbed to worldly pressures and temptations. I was shocked to hear when Mrs. Stanley filed for divorce from Charles Stanley. I never did hear why. Can someone help me understand this? Unintentional edit - sorry Didy - I did the same thing the other day on Robins post. - I'm getting old Here is what I meant to say when I accidentally clicked the modify button instead of the quote button - I can't help you understand but sor as many sins there are there are that many reasons for divorce in people. |
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Post by didymus on May 10, 2010 12:49:11 GMT -5
I understand that there are many reasons for divorce in today's society. What I am looking for is the "why?" behind the reasons. What motivates people to get divorce rather than honor their commitment?
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Post by MoGrace2U on May 10, 2010 15:00:38 GMT -5
Well the whole trend these days is an emphasis on superficial things. People spend more time planning the wedding than they do the marriage. Which makes it easy to say you will be committed in tuff times but much harder to actually do it if you aren't familiar with what a real committment is like in the first place. And this lack of a committed life is evident everywhere - and especially on these boards where people think anonymity is a license to do or say whatever abominable thing comes into their heads. And if we weren't raising our children to think this way, it would not have accelerated as quick as it did. You certainly can't blame advertising and the media since we are the consumers! We 'eat' what we 'buy' (and vice versa) because that is what we like.
I have friends who are getting divorced because the wife caught the husband sharing his pornography sites with his son. Mind you she already knew about his pornography from jump. And they both serve in a huge church where such sins are mentioned more often than not. And that was part of the reason they would not go thru pastor counseling. The other reason was that the wife had already acquired a boyfriend. It is a veiled legalism that is more concerned with appearances and what men think that is neither concerned or afraid of the God who sees and knows all.
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Post by Allyn on May 10, 2010 15:15:52 GMT -5
I understand that there are many reasons for divorce in today's society. What I am looking for is the "why?" behind the reasons. What motivates people to get divorce rather than honor their commitment? I see the answer in your question. Its a lack of honoring a committment. Do you think that people who decide to divorce are the ones with problems in their marriage and the ones who stick together have no problems? Not, because the real answer is committment. |
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Post by didymus on May 10, 2010 21:40:20 GMT -5
Actually, I think all marriages have problems. My parents' marriage had problems. Many of today's couples would not have survived what my parents did. Many people thought my parents should have been divorced. But, my father did not believe in divorce. And my father believed that God hates divorce. It seems many people believed that in that generation. It wasn't just an empty commitment, it was based on something. It seems many marriages today are Godless. Perhaps this should be a matter of prayer.  |
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Post by MoGrace2U on May 10, 2010 22:25:11 GMT -5
People today seem to have unrealistic expectations concerning problems - like in that they shouldn't have any. And it leads them into an escapist mentality instead of developing maturity. It's as if every trouble is an all or nothing scenario and will have the final say if they don't find some way to get out of it. But marriage troubles often pass if people are willing to adjust themselves in both their attitude and their actions. And playing the blame game never results in making any progress in that area - which is what the Lord is all about! Growing us up means we must face life in a humble dependence upon Him. Troubles when they come don't mean we have been abandoned by God, rather it means He cares enough to teach us something we have a need to learn. Like how to love one another with a forgiving heart. Which is something we are quick to want for ourselves yet slow to give to another.
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Post by stephenpatrick on May 11, 2010 7:26:50 GMT -5
Good morning.
Many years ago, a couple from our previous church were getting a divorce. My wife ran into the husband coming into church one evening. He was a mess. My wife talked to him for a while and found out that his wife was having an affair with a man from her work. She wanted a divorce so she could marry the man with whom she was having the affair with. And both the man and woman having the affair were claiming to be Christians. And the man that my wife was talking to affirmed to my wife, that his wife was a born again Christian.
You asked in the first post, why is this? What has changed? Why do so many "Christian" marriages wind up in divorce?
Could it be because the evangelical church today is more concerned with telling unbelieving homosexuals how to live their lives? More concerned with financing large warehouse buildings? More concerned with pushing bills through congress that make unbelievers follow the dictates of their understanding of the Bible than feeding the flock the truth?
What does the Bible say about divorce? Does Jesus give us any wiggle room when it comes to divorce? Not the mamby pamby answer the evangelical in America gives today, but like the time statements on the parousia in the NT, what does it really say? I wonder if divorce in the church around the world is as bad as it is in this country.
If the wife in the above scenario was having an affair with another woman at her work would the husband have still declared her to be a Christian? Would she have declared herself to be a Christian? Is she really a Christian? Or has the definition of "Christian" changed?
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Post by didymus on May 11, 2010 9:44:04 GMT -5
  Excellent post Stephen. Thank you.
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Post by Allyn on May 11, 2010 9:45:40 GMT -5
Good morning. Many years ago, a couple from our previous church were getting a divorce. My wife ran into the husband coming into church one evening. He was a mess. My wife talked to him for a while and found out that his wife was having an affair with a man from her work. She wanted a divorce so she could marry the man with whom she was having the affair with. And both the man and woman having the affair were claiming to be Christians. And the man that my wife was talking to affirmed to my wife, that his wife was a born again Christian. You asked in the first post, why is this? What has changed? Why do so many "Christian" marriages wind up in divorce? Could it be because the evangelical church today is more concerned with telling unbelieving homosexuals how to live their lives? More concerned with financing large warehouse buildings? More concerned with pushing bills through congress that make unbelievers follow the dictates of their understanding of the Bible than feeding the flock the truth? What does the Bible say about divorce? Does Jesus give us any wiggle room when it comes to divorce? Not the mamby pamby answer the evangelical in America gives today, but like the time statements on the parousia in the NT, what does it really say? I wonder if divorce in the church around the world is as bad as it is in this country. If the wife in the above scenario was having an affair with another woman at her work would the husband have still declared her to be a Christian? Would she have declared herself to be a Christian? Is she really a Christian? Or has the definition of "Christian" changed? Another excellent response |
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Post by didymus on May 11, 2010 10:01:27 GMT -5
It may sound like people in this thread are against divorce. Well, speaking for myself, I am. However, I do not believe divorce is an unpardonable sin. I don't care if someone is divorced and remarried 500 times, it's still not the unpardonable sin. There is only one unpardonable sin, and divorce and remarriage ain't it.
We are living in a society that is very liberal when it comes to divorce and remarriage. I do not want to swing the pendulum back to a time when people who were divorced and remarried were treated like lepers. I would rather they be treated as Jesus treated the woman caught in adultery - with compassion.
If someone is really a Christian, I believe, in time, they will understand what the Bible says regarding divorce and remarriage, and take steps to correct their behavior in the future. I do not believe in breaking up families for the sake of doctrinal purity, as some people believe.
God bless.
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Post by stephenpatrick on May 11, 2010 10:09:57 GMT -5
We are living in a society that is very liberal when it comes to divorce and remarriage. I do not want to swing the pendulum back to a time when people who were divorced and remarried were treated like lepers. I would rather they be treated as Jesus treated the woman caught in adultery - with compassion. Absolutely Didy. I agree. We could probably slap any sin down in place of divorce on this thread and come up with the same concerns, and conclusions. If my sins were to be made as public and out in the open as divorce is I'm sure I could be taken to the stoning wall too. |
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Post by Once4all on May 11, 2010 11:25:14 GMT -5
In reviewing the texts about divorce, it doesn't appear that divorce is the sin, but rather the remarrying of someone else afterward, which is adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32 NASB
(31) "It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE';
(32) but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19:9 NASB
(9) "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Mark 10:11-12 NASB
(11) And He *said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her;
(12) and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."
The Old Testament foundation:
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NASB
(1) "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,
(2) and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife,
(3) and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife,
(4) then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
It seems that divorce is wrong, not because divorce itself is sin, but that it will cause the sin of adultery to follow.
Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians also supports this idea that remarriage to someone else is the sin:
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 NASB
(10) But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband
(11) (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
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Post by MoGrace2U on May 11, 2010 12:04:27 GMT -5
And the reason adultery is such a serious sin - receiving capital punishment under the Law; is because it is a sign of idolatry.
The very picture that Jesus gives us for the Church is that of a Bride married to her Lord. How are the members of His Body to practice divorce from one another and not divorce themselves from Him too? Because that is what happened to Israel when she turned to idolatry - God broke His covenant with her, and made a new covenant for the faithful remnant.
Mat 19:6 - Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
If divorce is not the picture of the tearing apart of a family, then what else pictures the tearing apart of the Body of Christ by its members who care not for grieving the Spirit or their union with Christ that came at such a great cost? Is this not the same picture of those being cast out from the covenant they were enjoined to? If remarriage to another while your husband is alive (Christ lives!) constitutes adultery because it pictures idolatry, then you have a serious sin to overcome.
And that is because you cannot come back to your first husband, once you have fornicated with another. Divorce is thus what marks those who have turned from Him as the idolators that they have become. And it would seem their remarriages seal this to them.
What provision does the new covenant have that would assure those who do this that they can be grafted back again after they departed? Is there another sacrifice that will be provided by which they can renew their vows once they have treated the blood of Christ as some common OT sacrifice? Apparently the only provision is that one not get married again to another...until death they do part.
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Post by stephenpatrick on May 11, 2010 13:03:58 GMT -5
Thanks Bev and Robin.
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